As I Began to Love Myself

I have just discovered this wonderful poem which was written by the late Charlie Chaplin on his 70th birthday, April 16th 1959. It's beautiful and thought provoking and lovely. Enjoy...

As I Began to Love Myself, a poem by Charlie Chaplin

As I began to love myself
I found that anguish and emotional suffering  are only warning signs
that I was living against my own truth.

Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm.
Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health -
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!

Beautiful flowers sent with love

Soul Project and Gratitude

I'm so excited!

Surrounding myself with amazing people who are saying Yes to their lives and hearts, saying thank you to - well, pretty much everything, teaching other women how to be frugal fashionistas, saying YES to my offer of being their birth partner next week (oh ****, I am scared! I'm going to be welcoming a precious babe into the world. Wow!) ... all of these things and more have my heart a flutter today. You who are around me are supporting me in ways that I can barely articulate, and things are happening behind the scenes that I can't speak of - yet.

Except to say this: I am embarking on a new chapter of my life. In fact, I've already lost sight of the shore and although I'm not using a map, I've got a compass which tells me whether I'm heading in the right direction. I am.

The phrase that has been coming up for me repeatedly is "Soul Projects", and thanks to my coaching session today, I am now beginning to put massive action into getting my first (two!) soul projects going. Waaaaaaa!

Funnily enough, the day the term Soul Projects came to mind was the day that "Soul Talks" was launched - a beautiful podcast which is set to become a smash hit series of real, honest, heartfelt, rock-your-world conversations. Jump on over here or here to have a listen, if you haven't already.

The phrase "The Soul craves release" has been with me for weeks, since Brooke (aka the goosebump inducer - her writing is truly wow, and I know that isn't even a grammatically correct sentence) wrote it to me. Well today, my soul wants to release a whole bunch of "thank you"s out into the world.

Today's gratitudes...

1. Wonderful people who I think are just great are saying yes to coming to my birthday tea party!
2. The beautiful West Sussex countryside, and especially Spithandle Lane. I love you!
3. Wiston Tea Rooms, with its wonderful array of ducks, demented roosters, trickling stream, fruit cake with cherries, raisins and almonds, and filter coffee with cream. A little piece of heaven, right here on a Tuesday afternoon.
4. Two adorable little boys - brothers - feeding the ducks at Wiston Tea Rooms. The ducks came so close, quack quack quacking. Pure delight.
5. A moment of hope and friendliness in the garden this afternoon with the neighbours.
6. Little R, peering surreptitiously through the window. I waved 'hello!', and she darted back, but curiosity got the better of her and within seconds, there she was again. I waved hello again, delighted to see her.
7. My beautiful, stylish, oh-so-comfortable Dawes Super Galaxy bicycle. *makes a strange sound: too much happiness*
8. The Brooks cherry red leather saddle on the bike. It is so comfortable. I am so grateful.
9. After a week of hiding - sunshine!
10. Qi Gong and learning how to meditate standing up.
11. The part of my mind that stuck with it this morning despite the almost uncontrollable urge to quit, get the hell out of there, move!
12. Possibility.
13. Saying 'yes' to riding my bike.
14. Mark, my careers coach, and the coaching session I had with him this morning.
15. My mighty companion... ever grateful for Nige.
16. Oh, and posh beans on toast for lunch. Mmmmm.

Beans. Spring Onion. Feta. Tamari. Yum.

What are you thankful for today?

My Mission Statement

So much is happening right now that the only way I can comprehend it all is just to keep slowing down, being in the flow, bringing myself back to the moment. It's as if every day, I am being showered - actually, drenched - with positivity, support, encouragement, heart connection, and an unmistakable sense of guidance, pointing me firmly and resolutely in the direction of my dreams.

Thank you to all who have given me such wonderful feedback and input on my last post.

I wrote recently that I was in the middle of a sacred process, which on the surface appears to be centering on my career and which choice I will make next, which 'career path' I will follow. In reality, this process and this chapter in my life is about so, so much more.

It's about...

- my purpose - the deepest calling, the biggest yearnings, the secret dreams and forgotten passions
* saying YES (ever inspired by Julia and Alia) to my life, my heart, and the tiny whispers, the intuitive inklings, the seemingly insignificant nudges that are turning out to be strong roots connecting me to the earth, to being fully alive, to life!
- my spiritual practice and connection with Spirit, self and world
* the beautiful, creative little Elloa who dwells inside me
- community: this ever-expanding, inclusive, supportive community online; those I've known for years and haven't spoken to, suddenly rekindling fledgling connections; the community local to where I live; the community I'm part of in Clearmind
* play, and what that means and how that looks in my life
- all my relationships, present, past and future

My fire - my chi - is burning in my belly, blazing away the illusory ties that have bound me for so many years. I will not settle for mediocre anymore! No more excuses. More people became millionaires in the 30s' Great Depression in America than at any other time in the country's history. It's not the circumstances, but how you play within them, that makes all the difference. These new perspectives, beliefs and attitudes are taking root inside of me and I can feel my arms reaching for the sun, the stars, brushing the moon.

I am coming to this place: a place of living my life for me, knowing in every cell of my being that living in integrity is the biggest service I could offer to my dad, my mum, society, world. I am learning that it is possible for my work to be more like play, and that this in fact is a revolution that in five, ten, twenty years' time will have changed the world of work as we know it. Yes, it's risky. Yes, it's different. Yes, it's unconventional. I am thankful that it is so - I have had enough of playing it safe.

I want to shout from the rooftops, "I am free!" I need to live this journey more, so much more, infinitely more than I need another 'good' job with a steady income, security and predictability. As beautiful Brooke kept saying to me recently, the soul craves release. The release it has craved is coming in wave after wave at the moment - whilst running, whilst making love, whilst planting and weeding and pruning, whilst reading and reflecting, meditating and working out. Even while I fret and worry about money, security, how I'll pay the rent in August, my soul dances, delighted that I am here in this moment, right now.

Here, for you, for me, is my mission statement. It sums up the content of my purpose, but not the form. It reminds me every day that this one precious life is sacred, that it is here and now and that despite all the fear I might encounter within and without, that I really and truly do have a choice about how I live each day.

Love,
Elloa xx