Breaking the Rules...

Julia at Painted Path just wrote the most beautiful blog. I have decided to actually answer the questions she posed...

What would you create/do today

if there were no rules?

I would use clashing colours, dance in the middle of the street and take a two hour lunch all for myself.

if you couldn't screw up?

I would say to my boss, "ah jeez, I f**ked up! How cool am I?!"

if you/it didn't have to be good?

I'd let my tummy be bloated, because today it wants to be, and me tensing up and trying to hold it all in isn't helping!

if you weren't worried about what others would think?

Then I would sing my heart out in rehearsals tonight and be as outrageous as I feel.

if you weren't afraid?

I'd be so excited that my beloved and I are going to look at a flat tomorrow afternoon!

if you felt the fear and did it anyway?

I would say fuck it and just love everyone with abandon. Yippee!

if there was no one to impress?

Boy oh boy! Then I would look my boss right in the eye and admit that I made a mistake. I would work according to MY own pace, timing and sense of what is right. I would relax at work. I'd take breaks! I'd land back in my body and mind, and I'd pick up the conversation with the One Who Really Matters....

if there were no shoulds?

No shoulds.... Maybe I'd just spend a day playing instead of working...

if you didn't need to know what comes next?

I wouldn't worry about whether I will be able to pay the rent, or whether I'll need to go running to mum for some cash, and I'd step back and marvel in the beauty of this ever-unfolding life, remembering that when he or I is on my death bed, only the love will matter.

if you weren't afraid to be free?

I would give myself the gift of a big adventurous adventure somewhere amazing...

if you listened to that little whisper?

I would.... r-e-l-a-x... ahhhhhh... I'm listening and it's telling me how lovely I am.... ah.......... bliss....... I am perfect.

if you couldn't fail?

What's fail? No comprende..

if you trusted the process?  If you trusted yourself?

I'd be in this place, remembering that I and everything are one and perfect and just.... right.

if you followed the joy?

I'd make a GOD CD and listen to it in the car and sing and celebrate this beautiful life.

if you simply let yourself begin?

I would SMILE and smell my lovely new scented candle...

Ah.... this has made ALL the difference (and the candle smells lovely! Sweet bergamot, in case you were wondering)

Thank you Julia... your words have grounded me, utterly transformed my day...

Sunday running...

My wonderful new running trainers (I had my running gait analysed so they're designed specifically to match my style) ...

... and after a 2.5 mile run to gently break them in, a delicious post-run snack

Ah, life is good when I'm active :)

Just a little check in on where I'm at...

Every once in a while, I just like to check in with myself about where I'm at. In coaching terms, this has a specific name, such as the "30,000 feet view", but for me, it's just a natural urge that ebbs and flows, surfacing once every so often and then settling again like sand in a churny sea.

Life is changing. Well, when isn't it changing?! It's always changing!

I'm being promoted at work, which is scary and wonderful and pressurised and an opportunity to play and learn and grow.

Nige and I both know that the time has come for us to move in together, and this is scary and wonderful and a beautiful opportunity to play and learn and grow.

Rehearsals are well underway for Annie, and it's scary and wonderful and... well, you get the picture.

What's felt challenging recently has mostly centred around me transitioning back into full-time work. I haven't worked full time in a 9-5 for quite some time. My last full-time role was in a care home, so although the shift work was exhausting, finishing some days at 11pm and returning to work at 7.30am, I also had the benefit of either starting at 2.30pm or finishing at 3pm.

Working full-time is hard! Who on earth invented a 40 hour work week? Were they clinically insane?! It just seems so unnatural to me to sit in a chair facing a computer for that many hours a week, no matter how much you love what you're doing.

I'll be honest - I haven't wanted to come online again once I've arrived home in the evening. I've felt depleted, angry and a little bit desperate at times, experiencing a very old, very familiar sense of trappedness and stress. Doing a clearing last night with Nige was really helpful in reminding me that the feelings, the tension and the perspective are not fixed, immovable experiences; with a change of mind comes a change of experience, and a sudden rush of nourishing wellness and a sense of expansiveness. Suddenly, I can breathe again.... ahhhhhh.

And tonight? I've read emails (all 125 of them!). I've replied where my heart has spoken. I've spoken to a girlfriend on the phone. I've reached out to someone who's struggling. I've heard my beloved's heart as he shared on the phone to me. I've committed to connecting with a local community meetup. The result? I feel connected.

And that is the most lovely feeling of them all....

Life is simple when I remember that only the love is real in any situation, and all I need to do is look for and answer the call to Love. Happy weekending!