YES

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes we won the bike yes yes yes yes yes yes after months of looking yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes our shared dream and vision of touring has suddenly become a step closer yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes woooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooo!


I've been so all over the place, for so many weeks, that this feels like fresh rain after a long, dry spell. 


I've felt scattered, not sure what my dreams are, where my heart is, not liking who I am and how I show up in my relationship with Nige, and suddenly, a bike turns up (after weeks of Nige looking) - and a new perspective opens up to me.


I am so grateful. (And secretly, just between you and me, I just knew that that bike was mine as soon as i saw it - my palms started sweating, my pulse rate shot up, adrenaline started pumping through me, and yet I held it lightly for five days, and lo and behold!)


Thank you, Nige.
Thank you, Universe or stars or whoever it is that set up this beautiful piece of synchronicity.
Thank you.


And.... YES!

Grateful

Grateful that I have a lawn to mow

Grateful for the sunshine

So grateful for the perfect accompaniment to the day - beautiful Blackbird song

Grateful for Nige - his presence, his being, his humour

Grateful for Lori Portka, Julia Fehrenbacher, 365grateful, and the end of Brooke's Wild Road

Grateful to be alive, able to breathe deeply, to move and express and feel

Grateful for Claire and her beautiful, welcoming home

Grateful for Bank Holidays and the message of resurrection that is so pertinent at this time

Grateful for cold showers, short grain brown rice, water and the chance to start again at any moment

Grateful for the opportunity to sing, dance and act in Annie

Grateful that I am in touch with gratitude. It broadens my horizons, ignites my heart and captures my imagination.

Happy Monday!

All change, please!

If you travel on the London Underground, you will at some point invariably hear these words: "All change, please". This announcement is made to all passengers when a tube train has reached its final destination, either at the end of the line or at a certain point in the journey.

The "all change" announcement signals to all passengers, regardless of their age, gender, creed or hair colour that they can go no further on this train. Choosing to stay on the train will mean returning to where they've just come from, which is pretty pointless (unless you're just on the tube for the purposes of people watching and possible flaneuring). No; when you hear the announcement, it is time to begin a new phase of your journey.

My life has recently been calling to me, "All change please, Miss Barbour. All change", reminding me also to "Please mind the gap".

I stand on the threshold of a new chapter, one that is seemingly unwritten but which I secretly suspect is already etched deeply onto my heart.

I wonder what will happen? Not listening to my heart has brought me to my knees in recent weeks. It appears that I no longer have the option of going the other way anymore; I have reached the end of the line.

Please, if you can, support me as I take these tentative, baby steps towards fulfilling my function. I'm vulnerable to taking the quick route out of this discomfort - my ego would happily let me find a seemingly 'good' job, not letting on that in six months' time, I'll look back and realize that I didn't change trains, I just stayed on the same one as it went back to where it came from.

This moment, this now, is full of potential, and it isn't burdened by the fact that it's taken me numerous times making the same mistake to arrive at this place. My life is drenched in possibility, and I intend to quieten my mind and listen for the whispers.

Snippets of a Saturday Morning

I padded into the kitchen sleepily to find this colourful array awaiting me...

Grapefruit, hot lemon, and a selection of books to delve deep into.

It's so lovely waking up next to Buddha!

Our Victorian chair.
Teddy and Miss Bunny look resplendent, if I may say so myself.

Networking

A few weeks ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to go to a networking event in London as part of my job. (The reason I say I was blessed is because I got to listen to a man called Dr. Robert Holden, a student of A Course in Miracles, but also a psychologist renowned for his work on happiness and success intelligence, give a talk. For an hour, my personal and professional selves were united in a harmonious, exciting way. I was going to write about this tonight, but the next few paragraphs are what came out first, so I will honour that journey instead.)

I find networking events quite uncomfortable, as a rule - especially in the capital, where the unspoken dialogue between people goes something like this:

A. "I'm a very busy person. I work and live in London, have places to get to later today, meetings to attend, and targets to reach. In short, what can you give me? I'm a very important person, you know."
B. "I too am a very busy person. I don't think you quite realize this, but I've had wall to wall meetings today, and have only just managed to squeeze this event into my diary. It's a miracle I'm here, given how busy I am. I must dash in a minute. But before I do, let me ask you this:  what can you give me?"

Now, this is very illuminating for me to have articulated. Am I cynical, or perceptive? Does this say anything remotely accurate about life in London, about what it means to be a professional, working person nowadays, or does it merely reflect on my own hectic, poverty stricken attitude towards time? Am I just making it all up, or is some of it based on what's really happening for people at these events? At the moment, I have no idea! All I have to go on is my gut feeling, my experience, and what I perceive.

The 'what I don't want you to know' part of this is that I do it too! I scan attendee lists, looking for important and powerful people to attempt to find and have a conversation with (it's quite difficult to do this when you're at the event because these people are usually already having a conversation and it seems to be beyond my control which people I end up speaking to. And besides, I don't want to walk around inspecting people's name badges until I find the person I'm looking for.)

I often go into self-critical mode when I find that I've ended up speaking to a freelancer (i.e. not a potential client), or someone very nice but not in a position of power to do any business with me; I wonder if on a deeper level, I'm thinking the 'wrong' thoughts, thoughts which are lack and fear-based, which prevent me from succeeding in getting more business for the business, thoughts resigned to the inevitability that I won't meet anyone 'worthwhile' - in terms of progressing the business.

It saddens me that in the middle of these kinds of thoughts, I sacrifice the opportunity to have a miraculous encounter with a miraculous human being. In choosing to only focus on what I can get, looking purely at a person's job title and/or organisation, I completely miss them. And people is what I'm all about! I love meeting new people. I love their stories, love learning about how differently people approach situations and circumstances; I find people and their lives fascinating.

Except for when I'm at a networking event.

For whatever reason, it's Saturday night and tonight my consciousness has decided to wake me up to this uncomfortable realization. It's a lesson I keep learning, taking many different forms:

The only thing missing in any situation is what I'm not giving it.

Perhaps that next person I meet won't attend one of our workshops, or want to know more about what they do. Perhaps they'll only be interested in trying to get more business for themselves. Or perhaps my next encounter will surprise me in fantastic and unforseeable ways. My commitment, as part of my journey into leadership, is that I will treat each human being I meet at a networking event with respect, curiosity and gratitude.

Then I'm sure that I will see countless miracles open up before me. And surely the business can then truly benefit - from me being the best version of myself that I can be.


Does any of this resonate with you? What is your experience of these kind of events, and what is your intention for them from now on? I would love to receive your input to help me cement my intention.

Love,
Elloa