Wow - I am a writer!

For when it is quite, quite nothing, then it is everything.

When I am trodden quite out, quite, quite out,

every vestige gone, then I am here

risen and setting my foot on another world

risen, accomplishing a resurrection

risen, not born again, but risen, body the same as before, 

new beyond knowledge of newness, alive beyond life,

proud beyond inkling or furthest conception of pride,

living where life was never yet dreamed of, not hinted at,

here, in the other world, still terrestrial

myself, the same as before, yet unaccountably new.

D.H. Lawrence

Recently, I have gone through a crisis; I have been trodden quite out, quite, quite out. I am just emerging from it, still feeling delicate.

And somehow, Spirit knew that it would be healing for me to write about it, and an angel in the form of Hattie B invited me to guest post over at People Like Us - published today.

Today, I have also been published over at SABBSLondon.com.

Oh, and I edit and put together and write for The Ripple every quarter. I love this magazine!

Other writing-y things are happening without me even trying to 'make' them happen - proofreading and copy editing not one but perhaps two books, and a possible job in a bookshop even! I have plans to interview local actors for the Theatre Company I'm part of, and somewhere in the depths of my being (dare I say this?) I think (whispering) that there might be a book in me. Yes! A whole book!

So, six months after leaving a full-time job and setting an intention to get paid to write... things are happening. For a while, it looked pretty bleak and I became almost paralysed with fear. Keep stepping forward, one step at a time, I heard again and again in myriad forms. Today, just for this one beautiful day, it's as if my life is knocking on my forehead and saying to me, "Wake up Ell - you already are a writer. See! I'll show you!"

My new playbook. Mmmmm!
Also notice the gorgeous scarf in the background
- a gift from two beautiful friends who stayed last week.

I am so immensely grateful.

What is it that you dream of being? 

Where are you already living that in your life? 

How can you bring just ten minutes of that dream life to life today?

Just enough light to take the next step

I am struck by how there is always just enough light to take the next step, and by how I cannot possibly know what the next step is until I take the one that is right in front of me.

Today I went to Shoreham by Sea, a lovely town a few miles away that I used to live in before Nige and I moved in together. There's a couple of health food shops in the town, with completely different vibes. One is very 'yummy mummy', and the other is all eco and painted signs, with art on the walls. I like both, but they are very different. I usually shop at the second one.

I am acquaintances with the girl who runs the second shop. Her name is Joanna and she has long bleached blonde dreadlocks and awesome eye make up. I showed her the flyer, she was all guns blazing, "Wow! This is awesome. If it was in Shoreham, I'd definitely come" (she has no car to get to Steyning and yes, sadly, to get to my village there is only one bus an hour. And yes, her words were red and purple and green and orange and pink and blue. They definitely were.)

She loved my flyer :)

Another lady called Mary, who does Reiki healings and tarot readings on people then came into the shop, and instantly gave the same response. "Wow, amazing, when are you starting, if you do it in Shoreham I'll be there. I can think of 5 people immediately who'd come along. This is so needed."

Then Joanna suggested a space that's currently being renovated that I might like to take a look at, if I was considering running a second women's circle, in Shoreham. 

Going with the flow, I went off to see it. 

It was an awesome space: a big airy room called The Loft with wooden floors and lots of light. Very similar in fact to the space I envisioned in a session with the amazing Alia a few months ago. BUT the guy wants 50% of my takings in the long run (although he'll give me 6 months or so to get the group up to a decent size without charging any rent, and said he'll do some advertising for it, too).

He has bought the place and wants to do what he called a 'partnership' with people like me who want to run groups or classes, instead of hiring the room out on an hourly basis. I think he's a shrewd businessman. I'm not convinced it's entirely fair on me in the long run.

Still, I liked the space and I'm going to have a play with the numbers to see how it all pans out.

I arrived home to find some amazing feedback from Marianne Cantwell about my blog. She loves the content but loathes the design. Update: She doesn't love the design because she doesn't think it reflects my magnificence. It was great to hear! So I plan to work on that (and have changed it in the short term, to mix things up a bit. What do you think?? Please leave a comment!)

So I'm here on day 6 of the awesome 30 day challenge, wondering...

• Is Steyning the right place for the circle (at least, is it right right now)?
• Is Shoreham the right place for the circle (right now)?
• Can I get the word out in Steyning without paying to be in the local magazine when I don't really know anyone here?

I wonder where this is all going.... it's pretty scary, and pretty exciting too! I never would have known that I'd be here if I hadn't taken the leap to get some momentum going on the project.

So... what is YOUR next step? It could be tiny... a five minute burst of activity, a putting of pen to paper, a conversation, a vision board session? 

I'd love to hear... it only takes a minute girl (or boy), to leave a comment, to leave a comment (Take That fans will get the reference)

Love,

Elloa xx

My Mission Statement

So much is happening right now that the only way I can comprehend it all is just to keep slowing down, being in the flow, bringing myself back to the moment. It's as if every day, I am being showered - actually, drenched - with positivity, support, encouragement, heart connection, and an unmistakable sense of guidance, pointing me firmly and resolutely in the direction of my dreams.

Thank you to all who have given me such wonderful feedback and input on my last post.

I wrote recently that I was in the middle of a sacred process, which on the surface appears to be centering on my career and which choice I will make next, which 'career path' I will follow. In reality, this process and this chapter in my life is about so, so much more.

It's about...

- my purpose - the deepest calling, the biggest yearnings, the secret dreams and forgotten passions
* saying YES (ever inspired by Julia and Alia) to my life, my heart, and the tiny whispers, the intuitive inklings, the seemingly insignificant nudges that are turning out to be strong roots connecting me to the earth, to being fully alive, to life!
- my spiritual practice and connection with Spirit, self and world
* the beautiful, creative little Elloa who dwells inside me
- community: this ever-expanding, inclusive, supportive community online; those I've known for years and haven't spoken to, suddenly rekindling fledgling connections; the community local to where I live; the community I'm part of in Clearmind
* play, and what that means and how that looks in my life
- all my relationships, present, past and future

My fire - my chi - is burning in my belly, blazing away the illusory ties that have bound me for so many years. I will not settle for mediocre anymore! No more excuses. More people became millionaires in the 30s' Great Depression in America than at any other time in the country's history. It's not the circumstances, but how you play within them, that makes all the difference. These new perspectives, beliefs and attitudes are taking root inside of me and I can feel my arms reaching for the sun, the stars, brushing the moon.

I am coming to this place: a place of living my life for me, knowing in every cell of my being that living in integrity is the biggest service I could offer to my dad, my mum, society, world. I am learning that it is possible for my work to be more like play, and that this in fact is a revolution that in five, ten, twenty years' time will have changed the world of work as we know it. Yes, it's risky. Yes, it's different. Yes, it's unconventional. I am thankful that it is so - I have had enough of playing it safe.

I want to shout from the rooftops, "I am free!" I need to live this journey more, so much more, infinitely more than I need another 'good' job with a steady income, security and predictability. As beautiful Brooke kept saying to me recently, the soul craves release. The release it has craved is coming in wave after wave at the moment - whilst running, whilst making love, whilst planting and weeding and pruning, whilst reading and reflecting, meditating and working out. Even while I fret and worry about money, security, how I'll pay the rent in August, my soul dances, delighted that I am here in this moment, right now.

Here, for you, for me, is my mission statement. It sums up the content of my purpose, but not the form. It reminds me every day that this one precious life is sacred, that it is here and now and that despite all the fear I might encounter within and without, that I really and truly do have a choice about how I live each day.

Love,
Elloa xx