Birth...continued

What I have to say isn't complete. It isn't polished, honed and mined for its wisdom and lessons. I am in the middle of something right now, and perhaps I need to write this just to help sift it, in the same way you pan for gold.

Last week, I spent a few days up in London with my friend, L, who went into what could only be described as a sacred process -- labour. I spent a few days with her, and in that time I marvelled at the miracle of conception, pregnancy and birth. Being in the waiting room on the delivery ward, with women all around me going through contractions, was an eye-opener to say the least. How, as a woman, had I not been exposed to this part of life before? I know that this is what my body was 'designed' for, of course, but somehow being there last week was like a puzzle piece clicking into place.

Women are incredible.

At a certain point in time, we make love. Or, we just 'have sex', or engage in an act of union, or are violated. Perhaps we disconnect. Perhaps it shakes the earth. Perhaps we don't even remember the day it took place, but inside our bodies, a merging occurs. We do not choose to make it happen. Sometimes we try for years and it still doesn't happen. Other times, it's the last thing on earth that we want to happen, and it just does. We are the conduit, the channel, not the director. As the days and weeks go by, a being begins to grow inside of us.

A being begins to grow inside of us!

It grows from the tiniest pinprick into a baby, weighing 6 lbs 7 oz, or 8 lbs 2 oz, or 5 lbs 5 oz, with arms and heart and perfect little toenails, ears and eyelids and a spine, ligaments, nerves, lungs and diaphragm. How could I have not comprehended what a miracle this is? We, the ones who walk the earth, are all miracles!

Me, a miracle: 5 days old

Whether born at home, in a birthing pool, on a hospital bed, in a taxi, or by C-section, the closing chapter of the sacred process of pregnancy provides the opening chapter to this amazing journey called life. I think it's such a shame that we don't remember those first days on planet earth, when we're not bound by the clock. We are, in that delicate time, governed by our own divine timing. One of the midwives last week referred to baby as 'The Boss'; she is, she is! She sleeps, regardless of whether it's 4.13am, 2.56pm or six o'clock at night. She eats when she wants to, totally unaware of the three meals a day norm. She lives in tune with her own needs, her own body. She hasn't been conditioned to see the world in a certain way. She has no self-limiting beliefs. She is just pure innocence.

She just is. She doesn't have to try to be. She just is.

I was so taken with my friend's process last week that I couldn't even write about it. Thankfully, I managed to speak about it with Alia in our one-to-one session. Alia, if you're reading this, I haven't yet been able to put into words how deeply thankful I am for that session and for you and your intuition. I am standing on the edge of something incredible right now.

That this experience took place right towards the end of my own process of Careers Coaching is no accident. I had hoped that by the end of the process, I would know exactly what I'm 'meant' to be doing with my life. Being at the birth was without doubt an essential ingredient in this process, but after a huge breakdown earlier this week, in which I descended into a pit of confusion, despair and desperation, I feel most comforted simply reassuring myself of this: my work in this world is simply to love. I am here to love, forgive and connect. It's that simple. I am here to peel back the layers of unforgiveness that have built up over years of lack of vigilance. If I can help others to do that too, that would be a dream come true. If I can help women give birth to themselves, with as much reverence and sacredness as when they give birth to their babe, that would be incredible beyond words. But one person I can definitely give birth to is... myself. With some pushing, some resting, some growing pains, some patience, I am emerging, learning to see the world anew and return to a state of love and peace.

And for that I am truly grateful.