YES

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes we won the bike yes yes yes yes yes yes after months of looking yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes our shared dream and vision of touring has suddenly become a step closer yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes woooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooo!


I've been so all over the place, for so many weeks, that this feels like fresh rain after a long, dry spell. 


I've felt scattered, not sure what my dreams are, where my heart is, not liking who I am and how I show up in my relationship with Nige, and suddenly, a bike turns up (after weeks of Nige looking) - and a new perspective opens up to me.


I am so grateful. (And secretly, just between you and me, I just knew that that bike was mine as soon as i saw it - my palms started sweating, my pulse rate shot up, adrenaline started pumping through me, and yet I held it lightly for five days, and lo and behold!)


Thank you, Nige.
Thank you, Universe or stars or whoever it is that set up this beautiful piece of synchronicity.
Thank you.


And.... YES!

Grateful

Grateful that I have a lawn to mow

Grateful for the sunshine

So grateful for the perfect accompaniment to the day - beautiful Blackbird song

Grateful for Nige - his presence, his being, his humour

Grateful for Lori Portka, Julia Fehrenbacher, 365grateful, and the end of Brooke's Wild Road

Grateful to be alive, able to breathe deeply, to move and express and feel

Grateful for Claire and her beautiful, welcoming home

Grateful for Bank Holidays and the message of resurrection that is so pertinent at this time

Grateful for cold showers, short grain brown rice, water and the chance to start again at any moment

Grateful for the opportunity to sing, dance and act in Annie

Grateful that I am in touch with gratitude. It broadens my horizons, ignites my heart and captures my imagination.

Happy Monday!

All change, please!

If you travel on the London Underground, you will at some point invariably hear these words: "All change, please". This announcement is made to all passengers when a tube train has reached its final destination, either at the end of the line or at a certain point in the journey.

The "all change" announcement signals to all passengers, regardless of their age, gender, creed or hair colour that they can go no further on this train. Choosing to stay on the train will mean returning to where they've just come from, which is pretty pointless (unless you're just on the tube for the purposes of people watching and possible flaneuring). No; when you hear the announcement, it is time to begin a new phase of your journey.

My life has recently been calling to me, "All change please, Miss Barbour. All change", reminding me also to "Please mind the gap".

I stand on the threshold of a new chapter, one that is seemingly unwritten but which I secretly suspect is already etched deeply onto my heart.

I wonder what will happen? Not listening to my heart has brought me to my knees in recent weeks. It appears that I no longer have the option of going the other way anymore; I have reached the end of the line.

Please, if you can, support me as I take these tentative, baby steps towards fulfilling my function. I'm vulnerable to taking the quick route out of this discomfort - my ego would happily let me find a seemingly 'good' job, not letting on that in six months' time, I'll look back and realize that I didn't change trains, I just stayed on the same one as it went back to where it came from.

This moment, this now, is full of potential, and it isn't burdened by the fact that it's taken me numerous times making the same mistake to arrive at this place. My life is drenched in possibility, and I intend to quieten my mind and listen for the whispers.